Sleepless in Southwark

Befell that in the summer as I lay
A’ bed, yet not asleep, my thoughts did stay
Conspiring all to keep me still awake
Until I chose a pen and page to take,
And copy down my thoughts in lines of rhyme
In style of Shaxper in iambic time,
And couplets in pentameter yet spelled
As Chaucer did, an Englishman who held
Faint streams of Middle English and of French
With Latin close beside the cants of wench,
And urchin of the street, of London town;
Revolting peasants, merchants rich, and crown
Of martyr and of king, the tale’s begun.
So now release to sleep Miss Ellison!

In tales of chastisement of naughty girls
The pen of Lady Kirstie writes in curls
Of feminine hand-script until the time
She sets to type a spanking tale in rhyme.
Now thinks she back, Miss Ellison the muse,
And poetess, to memories she’ll use
Of studying Bill Shaxper and the date
She once submit an essay one day late.

GIRL 2: Ye shan’t!
PROFESSOR: I shall I say, thou wench, in spite!
For now thou’ll knowest well the rod’s sharp bite!
And “ooh” ye cry, and tears shall flood thy cheeks
And cry a’ more thou wilt, whilst loudly speaks
My birch of chastisement, thou truant girl.
GIRL 2: Is’t true thou mean’st to scare foul schoolmaster?
Full well remember I the tale of her
Who last was last in bringing thee her work.
An essay not quite done, but I’ll not shirk
Responsibility for being late.
But tell me sir, my tutor and the one
Assigned to mark my work, and smack my bum
Should work be late arriving in thy box:
Forsooth, I be not late, so check thy clocks
For half of four the hour appointed be.
Hear now, and hark, the clock it strikes but four!
Not late, but early, I’ve a half hour more
Before I can be called to witness late
And offer up an arse disconsolate
At thoughts of thrashings coming undeserved!
PROFESSOR: ‘Tis not the clock, dear girl, that one must ask
But calendar! Submitting be the task
By Thursday’s afternoon; ‘tis Friday’s end!
Dear woman, one day late, now strip and bend
And take thy sanction here across my chair.

And thusly did Miss E learn lessons hard
Of meeting deadlines, ‘specially when The Bard,
And hero of our language, be the text
Of essays written this term and the next!
For Arts degrees are not a task that’s small,
And “BA” standeth not for “bugger all”,
But writing tasks and disciplines thereat
Are given both for Literacy and that
Miss Ellison and mates can further place
Their thoughts of discipline in cyberspace.
For life-long learning’s lessons are to keep,
And Kirsten, now exhausted, falls to sleep.