Drought

“What’s the assignment about Kirsty?” Janice was staying with Kirsty while Kirsty’s parents were at a wedding, and Kirsty had asked her for help.

“It’s RE, we have to define different religious groupings and I’m a bit stuck.”

Janice smiled. “What’s wrong with you then?”

“Sorry, I was just thinking of a time when I had a similar assignment at school. Back in my day it was called P&R, Philosophy and Religion, and our teacher, Miss Ellis, was from New Zealand. She went around the class saying ‘Michael, what’s a Christian?’ and Michael says ‘A Christian is someone who follows the teachings of Jesus Christ.’ Then she says ‘Bethany, what’s a Muslim?’ and Bethany says ‘A Muslim is someone who follows the way of Islam.’ Well then she gets to me she says ‘Janice, what’s a Hindu?’ and I say ‘I think she lays iggs Miss.’”

“Iggs?” asked Kirsty

“Yeah, because she was from New Zealand, ‘what’s a Hindu?’ is like ‘what’s a hen do?’ In New Zealand, hins lay iggs!”

“That’s brilliant Janice, I like that. What did your teacher say?”

“Well that’s the sad part, she sent me up to the office because the class were all laughing. Well the headmistress took exception to my comments because she construed them as racist. So she marched me back to Miss Ellis’s room, bent me over the desk in front of the whole class, boys too, and gave me the slipper. Six hard smacks of it from her and six more from Miss Ellis herself. Miss Ellis was really apologetic afterwards, she said she hated hitting kids and she’d actually thought my joke was really funny, she had only intended to halt the disruption. That’s when I decided to become a teacher, and now I’m in my final month at college.”

“What about the boys in the class, that must have been embarrassing?”

“Yeah, one of the boys came up to me at lunch and asked if he could have a look at the bruises: I gave him the nylon injection for that. That earned me a second slippering, but it was worth it.”

“Nylon injection?”

“I kneed him in the groin.”

“Ooh, so injection yes, but why nylon?”

“I was in uniform babe; my knee had tights around it eh?”

Janice and Kirsty were getting along famously. Janice had only moved into the town the previous summer as she was on a practical teaching round as part of her B.Teach from the university in the city. She’d not met the sixteen year old Kirsty at school, as Janice was studying Primary education, but she was enjoying the teenager’s company now.

“You sound funny Janice, do you have an accent?”

“Yes Kirsty, but then so do you.”

“Yeah, I’m from here but, but my parents are foreign. My dad is from Canadia, so he’s Merican, and my mum is a Danish.”

“Canadians are not Mericans Kirsty, they’re Canadian, and their country is called Canada.”

“Sorry, but I like how you also said ‘Merican’ like I do. My RE teacher is Stralian, I wonder if she’d like the Hindu joke.”

“Probably, Stralians and New Zealanders often tease each other. And did you say your mother is ‘a Danish?’?”

“Yeah, she’s from Stockholm.”

“I’ll have to have a word with your Geography teacher my dear, Stockholm is in Sweden, and so your mother is actually …”

“A swede. A swede? Isn’t that a type of turnip? Are you calling my mum a vegetable?”

“No Kirsty, I’m calling your mum Swedish. Besides which, you’re the one who called her a pastry. ‘My mum is a Danish.’ Right Kirsty, apple Danish or custard? Pecan Danish I think, her daughter is obviously nuts!”

“Swedish? Oh God no, I’m half moose and half Viking!”

“There’s nothing wrong with being Swedish Kirsty, indeed Kirsty’s a Swedish name isn’t it? Besides which, it was the Norwegians who were the Vikings. What, does Ikea make longboats now?”

“Oh how funny you are! ‘Oh look children, what a bright sunny day it is. Let’s all climb in the Volvo and go for a drive with our fucking headlamps on!”

“Language Kirsty!”

“Sorry, Viking headlamps then. Stupid Volvos.”

They were both laughing madly by now.

“So where are you from Janice?”

“Austria, I’m Austrian.”

“Oh, g’day mate? How about a shrimp on the barbie mate?”

“Austria Kirsty, die Osterreich, the one near Germany.”

“Sorry, guten tag mate, how about a strudel on the barbie.”

“Pecan Danish for sure Kirsty. Now let’s get that homework sorted.”

“Cup of tea first.” Kirsty jumped up from the couch and leaped into the kitchen.

“Careful!” called Janice to the empty doorframe.

CRASH!

“Kirsty? What happened?” Janice heard the crash and Kirsty’s cry of shock and dashed into the kitchen.

“Oh no, I’ve broken mum’s teapot. She got it from her grandmother or something.”

“Viking teapot then?”

“No, oh please Janice this is serious, I’m so dead. I’ll get a spanking for this.”

“A spanking? Kirsty you’re sixteen.”

“Yeah. Hey could you do it? Yeah! Yeah if you spank me then dad won’t have to and it will all be okay.”

“Kirsty I don’t believe in corporal punishment: those slipperings at school were the last I ever had and I don’t intend ever to give one. I’m sorry, I’m not going to spank you, but I will talk with your parents when they come in.”

“Okay, thank you Janice. I feel like going to bed now, I feel really sick.”

“I’ll sort it all with your parents Kirsty, don’t you worry.

+++

“Kirsten Louisa you knew that was my most prized possession, what were you thinking of to have broken it so?”

Kirsty’s parents were home, and Kirsty had been called from her bed to explain the events of the evening. She sat next to Janice on the sofa, shivering both out of anticipation, (she knew what was coming for her), and cold as she was wearing only a light “I’ve been to Toronto!” tee-shirt and a pair of satin boxer shorts: her pyjamas.

“I just wanted to make tea for Janice, we were having a lovely conversation and …”

“Enough! Oh Kirsten how could you be so careless. Go to your father at once.”

“Mother, I’m so sorry, I…”

“To your father now Kirsten Louisa.”

Kirsten’s father was sitting on one of the dining chairs awaiting his daughter’s arrival: the routine was well-known and unspoken. Janice watched in amazement as Kirsten approached her father, dropped her shorts to her knees, and laid herself across his lap. Father wasted no time on discussion but simply began to slap Kirsten’s bared bottom with the sole of a rubber flip-flop.

“Mrs …”

“No need for words Janice, I’m too upset with you right now. Kirsten told me you had refused to spank her for this act of vandalism. I assume then you take full responsibility for it?”

Janice was finding it hard to think. Here was a woman obviously upset at the loss of a treasured piece of her family heritage, but the sound of sobbing and whacking beside her, and the sight of her young friend across her father’s knee in her peripheral vision was distracting from her focus on the discussion.”

“Yes of course. Kirsty went to make me a cup of tea; I suppose I should have supervised that.”

“Yes, well then. You can take the consequences as well. Bend yourself over the table.”

“Excuse me?” Janice was stunned.

“A vessel was broken, the punishment is a spanking. You have accepted responsibility, now accept the punishment. You will have the same as Kirsten, but since you are too tall to put across my knee, and at twenty-two years I think you are too old, I shall ask you to kneel on the chair and bend over the table.”

“Sixteen.”

“Ouch, oh thank you daddy. I’m so very sorry.”

“Right Kirsten, to bed with you now. Say goodnight to your mother and to Janice.”

“Goodnight mother, Janice. Oh Janice, I’m so very sorry.”

“Goodnight Kirsty, I’m sorry I allowed this all to happen.”

“Janice, you must now bend over, or shall I ask my husband to provide your discipline?”

Janice understood there was no way to avoid what was coming and so decided to obey. She walked unsteadily across to the dining table and to the chair which was turned to face her. Kneeling as instructed, upon the chair, she then bent herself over its back and laid her arms on the table.

“Once again, I am so sorry Mrs…”

WHACK!

“…ouch!” Janice gasped. That was no flip-flop.

WHACK!

“Oh, what is tha…”

WHACK!

“…at? Ooh-hoo.”

“It is the cheese-cutting board Janice, it makes a very effective paddle if Kirsten has been too naughty for the slipper. Since you are a grown woman I have allowed you to leave your skirt and underwear in place, something our Kirsten never knows about. But since you are a grown woman the slipper is not severe enough for you.”

Janice counted the spanks through her tears. She had heard Kirsty’s father say that she had had sixteen smacks, Janice knew to expect the same.

WHACK!

“Oh! Seventeen ma’am! Kirsty had sixteen.”

WHACK!

“Kirsten is sixteen Janice, you are…”

WHACK!

“…twenty-two. Would you like the additional spanks delivered to your naked backside, or may I …”

WHACK! WHACK!

“…continue uninterrupted?”

Since that was now twenty-one smacks, Janice went silent.

WHACK!

“Stand up Janice, you are finished now.”

The doorbell announced the arrival of Janice’s boyfriend Karl, indeed it had done so five minutes previously and he had been kept waiting in the entry porch while Kirsten’s father had explained what was happening inside.

“Janice, they really spanked you?”

“Ooh Karl, they told you?”

“Yes, the dad did. So was it over the knee and bare bottom, you naughty little girl? Did you get the strap? Ooh, was it the cane? Please let it be the cane!”

“No Karl, can we just go?”

“Oh, I hope it was over the knee though. I find the knee a most satisfying place.”

Janice sighed, turned on her heel, and delivered a nylon injection. She smiled as she looked down at the crumpled heap of boyfriend on the ground beside her.

“You’re right Karl, the knee is a deeply satisfying place.”